so far this february....

in the past week, life has settled back into our normal routine. it felt good. routine is something that can get boring, but after too long without it, i want to crawl in a hole and cry. i love routine, and hopefully it's here to stay for a while. we got back into our usual morning routine: breakfast, complete with the disney station on pandora, baths, straightening up, nap for kendall, errands, and gosh it felt good. kendall is almost eight months old and only probably half of her life has been consistent with routine. 

she's just so darn cute.

we went out for fhe and brooklyn was stoked because it was to her favorite restaurant. pizza pie cafe. she could eat there every meal. 

we hit up a few story times that we hope to make part of our weekly routine. brooklyn loves the social aspect and really does love the story part.

(this one is at pottery barn kids. isn't the set up darling?)

james didn't have class this week so we got to see him a lot more. the girls love when he's home and he's so good to just take them and entertain them. i almost never have to ask. he just loves to be with them.

we've gotten to know some people in our ward and we even went to a ward activity this weekend. it's nice to get to know people outside of church. i like seeing people in their regular clothes and doing silly things. like the pictured activity below. this was a minute to win it game and i won. my family probably can't believe i even participated, let alone won. but yep, i stacked those bad boys high on my forehead and won that huge trophy. 

brooklyn was stoked about it. she was even more stoked that there was a pinata. shaped like a mustache i might add. she got a turn with the bat to get a good whack at it, and got some candy when one of the older kids broke it open. the night was topped off with ice cream for everyone and we all went home happy.

the most note worthy event of the weekend happened on friday when the holmes crew gathered at the bountiful temple to do my grandma's temple work. haley got to be baptized for her/deven baptized, kayla did the confirmation/trevor confirmed her, whitney did the initiatatory, i got to do the endowment, and my cousins emily and colby got to be proxy for the sealing of my grandparents. it was such a special experience. one i will always be so grateful for. plus, we don't get to see that holmes crew very often so it was a bonus to hang out with them at the temple and then go to do dinner afterward. thank goodness kayla demanded a selfie right outside the temple or we wouldn't have any picture documentation of this special event.

life is good. i am so grateful for the day to day blessings that i enjoy. sometimes during the day, when both girls end up on my lap, i can hardly believe i'm so lucky. so lucky to be a mom of two beautiful healthy girls. so lucky that i have a husband who loves these girls as much as i do, and that he loves me just as much. i am loved. what more could a person want in this life? 

this life of mine is simple, dirty, chaotic, not very glamorous, but gosh it's just good. 

h a p p y  m o n d a y

this post is for her...

for grandma jackie. 

a year ago today, she left this earth and joined my grandpa in heaven. gosh that was a hard evening. getting the phone call from my dad that she had peacefully passed was gut wrenching and at the same time, it gave me so much comfort. she fought that darn cancer for too long. she dealt with so much pain and discomfort. i hated thinking about her suffering. ugh. but i wanted her to be here. healthy and here. with us. i wanted her to see brooklyn grow up. 

i wish she was here to meet and hold kendall.

i know exactly what she'd say about kendall if she held her today. she'd say, "oh my gosh melinda she's so darn cute! those cheeks!" it hurts. it hurts so much. i want to her to be here to see this cute chubby baby of mine. 

but...

she's not here. she is in heaven and her body is whole. she is no longer suffering and that makes me so happy. i can imagine that she and my grandpa are having so much fun together. catching up, and looking down on us. being proud of us, i hope. and i really do feel like she had something to do with getting kendall here. i found out i was pregnant a week after her funeral. i can just picture her pleading my case up there, fighting for me like she always did. she knew how much i wanted another baby. she knew how much i suffered through my miscarriages. she did something up there to get this sweet baby to me. i truly believe that.

and i know she watches over us. i know she watches over my girls. she laughs with us and cries with us. i'm sure of it. i miss her so much. i miss so much about her. i'm so grateful for all of the good happy memories i have of her. i want to be like her. i hope she knows how much i love her. and if she doesn't, i can't wait to tell her when we see each other again.

and i imagine she'll want to spend a lot of time with these girls of mine.

but until then, we'll keep missing her and reminiscing all the great things there are to reminisce about her. i love you grandma! so so much!

p.s. today i will jog my daily jog in basketball shorts and listen to 90's boy bands in honor of that cute hip grandma of mine, and honestly, i think she'll laugh.

on a rainy wednesday...

i've been thinking a lot about my grandma jackie the past two weeks or so. mostly because of the time of year and also because the thought always pops into my head when i'm looking at kendall, "grandma would have thought you were so darn cute." i can just hear her saying it. my heart breaks a little to think about, but it also makes me smile too. i smile because of how lucky i am to have such a great grandma like her. she was one in a million and i am her posterity and that makes me feel special. grandma jackie was an on the ball kind of person about most things, and that's why...

kendall wore an outfit from her today.

obviously grandma didn't buy it specifically for her, but it is from her and that's all that matters. 

tonight for dinner, thanks to our neighbor and my parents, we had dinner from the garden. we love eating fresh like this during the summer and haven't done it enough. sadly, the summer is coming to a close so we're trying to cram it all in as much as we possibly can.

brooklyn was sad to wake up and see a rainy gray day, but i was pretty happy about it. i woke up totally in the mood to watch movies and cuddle the girls all day (and fold laundry). so that's mostly what we did. brooklyn found ways to entertain herself by making messes all over the house, but she was content so that's all i cared about. kendall took lots of naps, more than usual, and had me suspicious that she was either getting sick or having a growth spurt. her daddy checked on her during one of those naps and found her little hand band covering her eyes. darn it. i guess she just really wanted her beauty sleep. obviously.

 ^^^staying entertained with groceries she helped carry in. take note, not one, but two boxes of my favorite cereal oh's! run to win-co, they're on sale!^^^

speaking of grocery shopping. while we were in win-co, james decided to dig through the cokes to see if he could find anything close to brooklyn's name and my name. we got close. i don't like to be called mel, but i'll take it.

 ^^^both girls napped at the same time today. i decided i could either nap with them or paint my nails. i chose nails and i'm regretting that decision very much tonight.^^^

i'd say our week is off to a good start, but it's only going to get better (after the girls' dr appointments tomorrow morning). we have some fun things planned in the next couple of days and like i've said, we're trying to pack the last little bit of summer full of fun stuff. let's do this!

h a p p y  w e d n e s d a y 

my heart.

i have been wanting to write this post for a long time because it's something that i want to remember, but it's also very difficult to write. 

back in june, on the morning i posted about my miscarriage, i got a phone call. i looked at my phone and my stomach dropped. it was my grandma jackie. i hadn't told her about my miscarriage before i posted about it, and i had told my dad not to tell her because i didn't want to cause her to worry when she was already suffering. i knew that's exactly what she would do. but when i saw her name on my phone, i was sick. i thought maybe she was going to be upset with me that she had to find out on my blog about something personal.

i hesitantly answered the phone. 

"oh sweetheart," was all she said. 

i couldn't hold back my emotions and i started to sob into the phone. 

and then, i could hear her crying too. 

we stayed like that for a few minutes, and then i was finally able to control myself and she spoke again.

"i'm so sorry. oh melinda."

again, i couldn't hold back the tears. my heart swelled with gratitude for this grandma of mine. i knew she honestly felt my pain and that she was suffering too. it broke my heart. i tried to tell her that i was ok, but she wasn't hearing that. she kept telling me over and over that it would be ok and that i was going to have another baby.

a week and a half after she passed away i found out i was pregnant.

i really believe that she has had a hand in me keeping this pregnancy. i can just picture her up there fighting for it. and i know that even if i had lost this baby, that she would have put up a good fight in my defense and also that she would be sad for me.

that was the second to last time i would talk to her on the phone. the last time, she called me to get our address to send james a birthday card, and she was so sick, she ended up handing the phone over to her husband to get the information from me.

i think about both of these phone calls often. i think about her all the time. mixing all of that with my pregnancy hormones makes me cry a lot. i miss her so much. but i am also so happy that she is no longer suffering and that she can be with loved ones on the other side. and i know that right now she is getting to know this baby that will join our family in june. and that makes my heart more happy than i can put into words. 

a funeral weekend.

the weekend started with nice sunny day. thank goodness, knowing a funeral lay ahead in the weekend, i needed some sunshine. brooklyn has been obsessed with playing in the leaves, thanks to her daddy. we spent a good hour friday morning just enjoying the beautiful day, and playing in those leaves.

we had lunch with jeremy and chelsea (ellie was there too), and the rest of most of the day was spent shopping. some fun purchases were made, but more on that later.

brooklyn was in love with this santa. she walked right up to him, shook his hand, and said, "nice to eetcha santa!" sooo cute. i never want to forget that sweet little moment. we'll see how she does with the real santa this year. could be interesting.

the other great moment that happened that night happened at the drive-thru. my MIL has started a tradition of getting all of us the frequent sonic sticker for christmas. we love it, especially in the summertime. in order to get the great price on drinks for the sticker, you have to let the person who is taking your order know that you have a sonic sticker. so as we were pulling through the drive-thru, not the sonic drive-thru, brooklyn shouted loudly from the backseat, "and we have a sonic sticker!" james, my MIL, and i were rolling off our seats. we got such a kick out of that. 

saturday morning started bright and early. we were trying to make it to cokeville, wy by 10:30. james and i got up and showered first. then brooklyn got up and her nana got her bathed. my MIL was soaking up every last second she could with brooklyn. she flew out that day. a LONG flight back to hawaii, with some nice long layovers. ugh. brooklyn loved having her nana here. she always wanted to know where she was. all the time. we'll miss having her around.

the visitation and funeral were beautiful. so many people came to support our family and pay tribute to our cute little grandma that we love so much. my heart was so full seeing so many people i love, coming to put their arms around us and comfort us, and cry with us because they'll miss grandma jackie too. i blubbered my way through co-reading the life sketch with two of my cousins and sharing a memory about grandma, and my dad gave an awesome tribute to his mother. it made me miss so many things about her. i just can't imagine life without her here. 

it was a brisk chilly day up in cokeville. everyone was wrapped up in coats and whatever else they could find. but the sun was out. grandma would have appreciated that. 

i loved being able to see this cousin of mine who lives in iowa right now (becoming a doctor). we used to be bff's. i miss him, but am so proud of his cute little family and where his life is going. grandma jackie was so proud of him too. 

//grandma's 6 grandsons = the pallbearers//

we were greeted back at the church with a nice hot meal provided by the relief society. i've never had better funeral potatoes and that's no lie. they fed us well and we appreciated it so much.

after a change of clothes, we all met back up at grandma's house. there were dishes to be divided, memories to share, and we all just really needed a good long nap.

brooklyn asked her uncle dev to tickle her back because she was so tired... and she was out in thirty seconds.

we said our goodbyes. 

we admired grandma's jewelry, and then we made our way over to my other grandparents' home for dinner.

brooklyn loved having addie there to play with her. they get along so well. 

we stayed up talking and eating sliced apples and caramel until midnight and then called it a night. we were all up early for church and ready for naps immediately afterward. brooklyn took a good two hour nap (and then slept part of the way home. this weekend wore her right out!). as soon as she was up, she was ready to play some more. my cute cousins took the littles outside to get some fresh air, take a wagon ride, see the new baby colt, and just have fun being toddlers together!

the women put together a wonderful traditional sunday dinner. something that should always be a part of sundays. so good. 

after the clean up, we said goodbyes and hit the road. we are all exhausted from this weekend. good thing monday is laundry day and we can just relax at home tomorrow. i definitely need a day to recoup. 

oh, and brooklyn got her first 'head shot' taken by a talented girl in our ward. this picture is 100% brooklyn. grandma would have loved it, and probably giggled a little when she saw it.

h a p p y  m o n d a y

grandma jackie.

to the hippest, cutest grandma i know...

i love you and i'll miss you every day.

because the raw emotions are still there and i can barely see to type, i thought i'd just type out a list of things that remind me of her and have reminded me of her almost my whole life.

coke

bear lake

steak and shrimp

licorice

nutter butters

white cheddar popcorn

soup & sandwiches (pronounced with a lisp)

cleaning in huge basketball shorts

the buckle

arizona

360 perry ellis lotion

flow blue china

peanut m&m's

chunky silver jewelry

and really the list could go on... but,

i just love her.

the weekend + for her

first of all, thank you so much to so many of you for your sweet texts, messages, facebook comments, and phone calls on behalf of my grandma. they meant and mean so much. hard times like these are made a little easier knowing that people care about you. my grandma is now staying at my parents' home receiving hospice care. it's comforting to think of her there and not at the hospital. 

our weekend was a beautiful one. the weather was nice. and we spent a lot of time just enjoying being together.

friday was full of yard work. bless my MIL's heart, i have no idea what i'm doing when it comes to gardening and the winter prep that comes with it. we worked on the yard for a huge chunk of the day. thank goodness she's here to make things look nice. i'm so clueless. brooklyn loved that we were all outside. she stayed busy playing with blocks, driving her car, sweeping, and "helping" so much with the weeds.

that evening, it was just our little family of three, and we basically relaxed around the house. james did study for a couple hours for a big test he's taking on saturday (more on that later). brooklyn and i were content to catch up on 'our shows' and eat cereal.

the next morning, bright and early, james accompanied me on my morning jog. i loved having him there. we don't get to have him around saturday mornings very often so i definitely try and enjoy every second. it was freezing. but so fun. 

i whipped up some pumpkin waffles from trader joe's for breakfast that i'd been dying to try and they did no disappoint. i highly recommend them. i'm definitely going to need to stock up next time i'm in the slc. 

we all showered and got ready for the day, all of us, but james that is. instead, he climbed on the roof to put our swamp cooler into hibernation until next spring. after he was finished with that, i kept him busy with moving the furniture in our room around. it's so fun and i look forward to the change. plus, it makes me feel better that under our bed gets swept, vacuumed, and mopped twice a year. even though, i should do it more often.

that night, we all hunkered down for the byu game. baby ellie joined us. i got to hold her, love on her, and even bathe her. one of my favorite things in the entire world is a freshly bathed baby, lotion on, and then snuggled up in warm cozy jammies. is there anything much better than that? oh that sweet baby. i just can't get enough.

sunday was gray and beautiful. it drizzled during church and then again after dinner. we cozied up and watched a show together and then headed over to j & c's to see that baby again. but not before i made some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. and that's how we ended our night: pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, hot chocolate, and a quick little walk.

and now, some pictures we took just for grandma jackie in our sunday best yesterday. obviously, pictures of brooklyn were her favorite on the blog. she said it made her feel like she knew her. like she saw her and interacted with her every day. she'd also text me and tell me she loved the picture of me on the blog that day. i love that she loved this blog so much. it's been really hard to even have the motivation to do it this past week. but we'll continue. 

ok, really, here are the pictures.

^brooklyn in her favorite dress. her pote-a-dot dress.