a new year.

2019 brought us a huge blessing, our little rosie mae.

 the beginning of the year left me feeling a little discouraged as we had been trying to get pregnant for 18 months. i felt helpless. i prayed and hoped so hard for another baby. just one more baby. when the end of march/beginning of april rolled around and we found out we were expecting, i was more than elated! even with my history of miscarriages, i was so happy to just be pregnant. even if it was for a minute.

(this picture was taken right after i got the positive pregnancy test!)

we found out while we were on our little getaway to mesquite. i was on cloud 9 the whole time. a few weeks later, i thought i was losing the baby. i was obviously devastated but still so grateful to have been pregnant. after a few ultrasounds and 6 weeks of bed rest, i slowly got back into normal life. except for working out. i was a little sad but i was happy to do anything and everything to continue to have a good pregnancy. i went back to the gym 3 days a week and mostly just walked, rode a bike, and stretched out a lot. 

adalyn had been telling us all along that we were having a girl. she knew i was pregnant before i did. i wanted to believe her so badly, but i was also afraid to get my hopes up. one random day last january, we were in the layton hills mall, and adi out of nowhere told me, "i'm going to be a big sister mom. we're going to have a baby sister and do you know what her name is going to be? it's rosie." and boy was she right! her knowing it was a girl never wavered. we tried to prepare her in case it was in fact a baby brother, but she knew. i know they were together in heaven, and that they had a special relationship. adi knew she would come to our family and she's still so excited she's here. every morning, she comes in to see the baby first thing and says things like, "i just can't believe we have a baby sister. i just can't believe she's here." it makes me heart just soar.

there were definitely some rough moments of 2019. i spent a lot of it in my bed, worried and hopeful. but also, pray and pray my little heart out. i'm so grateful for the experiences i've had, to make me empathetic and more understanding of those in similar experiences. there were, of course, wonderful moments too. time spent together, and the birth of our newest little member.

in 2020, i am looking forward to watching this baby grow, watching my older girls accomplish things and have fun together, getting back to the gym, and creating lots and lots of memories with james and my girls. we have some fun things we're looking forward to this year and we're so blessed to get to do them together. this year is going to be such a great one. i can feel it and i'm going to make great!

thank you for EVERYTHING 2019 and 2020, let's see what you've got!

goodbye 2018, hello 2019!

2018 was like most years in a lot of ways, but looking back, i'd say it was also exceptional! the years are going by faster every year of my life and i can't believe this one is already over. my girls grew up so much this year and i can't even imagine where 2019 will put them! brooklyn might end up taller than me, kendall could be reading, and adalyn might become a reasonable toddler. who knows!

brooklyn grew up so much this year! enough that james and i trusted her with her first babysitting job while we went out to dinner for our anniversary. she passed with flying colors and we're so excited to be getting to that point in our lives! she has become a great reader and can often be found with a chapter book in her hands. she tested the waters of ballet but has decided that tumbling is her one true love. i love helping in her 2nd grade classroom and watching her be helpful and kind to others. i just love her for that!

kendall has loved gaining a little independence this year by starting preschool and getting to do tumbling this summer. she is such a little character and has us laughing often! her imagination continues to be her shadow and we never know what she'll come up with next. she's finally willing to dress herself and even make her bed once in a while. at long last, she and adalyn are now good little friends. she's willing to include her and often seek her out to play out her ideas. i love watching them!

adalyn is in the thick of terrible two's! she started 2018 being the sweetest and talking our ears off...the second half...let's just say she's testing our patience in every sense of the word. she's still our most cuddly and can be so sweet when she wants to be. her obsession with babies hasn't dimmed at all and her year was topped off with two baby dolls from santa. she named them hazel and summer and acts like their true mother.

james and i love being parents to these three darling/frustrating girls! they are our world and we're always trying to improve ourselves for them. we're excited for the new challenge of the "come follow me" home study program and hope to be successful as we try our best with our little crew. we also hope to add in a little fun and a lot of love. as james and i were out for our anniversary, we talked about our goals for the year and what we want our family motto to be for the year. james suggested, "remember to smile". i loved it and that's what we went with. i think it's a good simple but powerful one.

2018 was full of lots of highs and lots of lows for me. luckily, i look back on it all with a smile. i continue to go to the gym and i'm in the best shape of my life at 33. it's a great outlet for me and my girls are happy to go to the gym daycare so i can have that time to myself. i'm a huge advocate for gym daycares. if you're thinking about it all, i strongly suggest it! it took me a few months to get over the mom guilt that i felt dropping my kids off for an hour but now, we all love it and we're all happy about it. there should be no guilt on mothers who are trying to be healthy and take a small break out of their day. it clears my head and makes me a better mom on the days we go to the gym.

i took president nelson's challenge seriously and felt close to my Savior and felt my Heavenly Father's love for me. my sister in law chelsea and i decided the night the prophet issued that challenge to go to the temple early one morning every week. it became my favorite day of the week and i always looked forward to it. i loved reading the Book of Mormon and finished it on Christmas day. i can't wait to start it again!

i love the fresh clean start a new year brings. my new day planner is begging to be written in and my calendars marked up. i look forward to 2019 with bright eyes and an open heart. i'm hopeful. i'm excited. i'm looking forward to so much. but i'm also really going to try to enjoy the normal every day that is my wonderful beautiful life.