Thursday, April 10, 2014

surreal


today at my doctor's appointment, we talked scheduling my c-section. there was talk of when we'd like to, and how possible it would be, and all that jazz. little did the doctor know that i've been thinking about this for months. i had a date set in my mind that i really wanted to make happen. i knew that it might not be possible because of scheduling and also the fact that i could go into labor before that date. but i told the doctor the date that we'd like to do it, and he was like,"let's do it!" i was a little stunned at first. like really? it was going to be that easy. so we went along with the ultrasound and did everything else and we went on our way.

a couple hours later, i was at the park with brooklyn and i got a phone call from the doctor's office. it was a nurse. i panicked first. was there something they saw in the ultrasound that was bad? did they find something? were the leg aches i told them about actually something serious? i had about a thousand thoughts go through my mind in five seconds. the nurse then happily said,"we have you scheduled at bla bla bla hospital on bla bla bla at bla bla bla." tears sprang to my eyes and an all too familiar lump formed in my throat. thoughts and feelings of three years ago rushed through my entire body. i remember getting this same phone call for brooklyn and having it feel entirely surreal. i remember thinking no way this was real life. i was really going to have a baby?! there was a date and time? nurses and a doctor at a hospital would be expecting me? unreal. i couldn't wrap my brain around it. today when i heard it i felt the same way. i wanted to cry and laugh and shout it from the rooftops. i'm having a baby. another baby. oh my gosh. another little human for me to take care of. i was completely happy right then and there. 



and then i looked over at brooklyn, with her bucket and ice scraper (we really need to get her a shovel) and i started to get emotional all over again. look at her. she's almost three. my baby is almost three. how? when did this happen? i felt an overwhelmingly gigantic rush of love for her. my little girl. time has flown. she seems so big, and soon she'll be a big sister. i love it. i love all of it, except for the fact that she has to turn three this summer. it made me really appreciate the here and now. i don't want time to speed up, i do because i want to meet this baby girl, but i don't because that means brooklyn will just keeping growing with time. i am so happy to be pregnant and i am just going to enjoy every day. every day that i get to feel this tiny little thing roll around in my stomach. every day that brooklyn is still two. every day that brooklyn still hops up on the couch and says, "i want to snuggle you mom." every day that she still needs my help to get her shirt on just right. 


being a mom is a gift and i hope i never forget.





p.s. totally unrelated, but the best outdoor blankets are at costco. $20. get one. or two.
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