Thursday, January 9, 2014

a little about #2

this was taken on the day we found out we were expecting little baby #2...

right after i got the positive test we called james immediately and asked to meet him at costco (we were in desperate need of milk). he met us at the car and brooklyn handed him the test. he looked at me and we both took huge deep breaths. we were both thinking, here we go again, let's do this. it really is sad that we don't get to be excited when we find out we're pregnant. absolutely we have some hope and we try to be excited, but when our record isn't too great, it's only natural.

so, we started holding our breath.

and just like with brooklyn (and all my other pregnancies), i started having horrible cramping and some bleeding. it's so hard to stay positive when this happens. so, i went on bed rest, the week before thanksgiving. this also meant that i got to ride around in a wheel chair all over vegas when we went down for the justin timberlake concert.

remember this picture?

well here it is, un-edited, with the wheelchair right by my side.

and right before the concert started, i started cramping horribly and bleeding again (sorry if that's tmi). it was super hard to enjoy the concert. i was feeling guilty for even going to vegas and hoping that everything would be ok. i definitely need a jt do over. his concert was awesome all the same.

fast forward to last week. i was definitely still cramping on and off. when i wasn't cramping i was nervous that maybe the baby wasn't ok, and when i was cramping, i was worried the baby wasn't ok. it's been a tug-o-war in my mind and heart. i will definitely come out of this with more gray hairs.

today, we had an ultrasound. we were hoping to find out the sex. we even had the family on stand by for a gender reveal party. but this baby is shy right now, so we'll find out in three weeks. which is ok. more time to plan the big reveal. even though i already have it planned out.  ;)

the other thing that i really try to stop myself from doing, is california dreamin' and planning for the future. one of the first things i thought of when i found i was pregnant in june, was about moving brooklyn out of the 'nursery' and into a big girl room. i had all kinds of plans. i really can't help myself. so this go round i was really trying to be strict with myself. not to let my hopes get up. but over christmas, talking with my mom and sisters, i let my ideas fall out of my mouth. it felt good, but i was also a little nervous to be saying it out loud.

which brings me to the last point of this post, brooklyn's new room. about a month ago, i told my SIL how much i worry about looking like a copy cat. because honestly, most of my good ideas, are not my own. i see something someone has already done, and i put my own spin on it. i even told her how paranoid i am about people i know and bloggers that i follow, using the name i want to use, or putting ideas out there that i've already planned to do. is that dumb or what? it really should be one of my new year's resolutions: don't worry what anyone thinks!

anyway, one of my favorite bloggers did a post about her daughter's new room. and lo behold, some of our ideas are the same. i love my ideas too much to care about the copy cat situation. so i'm going forward with so much anticipation and excitement that i can't even hardly stand it.

my ideas started with a pillow i saw at home goods a little while ago. i didn't buy it and i've been kicking myself ever since. it was the most perfect coral color. i love coral. i especially love it on brooklyn, so i thought, what a perfect color for her room!

i have to find that pillow!

these pillows are close to the right color. but not quite. 

the dresser that will go in her room will be painted in a shade of coral. if i can ever decide on one. these shades are definitely in the right ball park.

one of my favorite things for her room are these gold vinyl dots. i love them. i plan on trying to get as close as possible to this picture. 


the walls in the room right now are two toned with white on top and a tan on bottom. i plan on painting the bottom a very light gray. i definitely want to keep the room light. besides pops of coral, i'm planning on finding things that look good with coral without being too much. hopefully it will all come together nicely and that brooklyn will be excited to move into her new room. it will definitely be a transition. including for me, as all my craft and other 'where do i put this?' items are being housed in that room right now. time to clean out, organize, and get painting.

thank you all of you for your thoughts and prayers as we've been going through this pregnancy. we have received dinners, treats, flowers, cards, phone calls, texts, facebook messages, and everything else you can imagine from people that we love. it has all meant so much.

i am beyond grateful to be pregnant. i can't even describe in words how full my heart is. after a loss, i always feel a little hopeless, that i'll never have a healthy pregnancy. it's an overwhelming feeling. to be 15.5 weeks right now is surreal and i am so happy. i'm not wishing this pregnancy away. i miss it so much when i'm not. i also am enjoying the last of my one on one time with brooklyn. but i am so excited for her to have a sibling. james and i are so excited!

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