so, at the beginning of august i had a doctor's appointment. the one where we were to chat with the doc about the next step, our options, yadayadayada. luckily, i heard what i wanted to hear: start trying again. it's exactly what i was hoping for. it also terrified me to my very core. trying again after a miscarriage is always so hard for me. this time, i'm ready. i really am.
i have hard days that really rock me to the core. i question everything about myself and i'm too tired to even care. it's a constant battle that exhausts me. on those bad days, it's all i can do to just keep brooklyn fed and alive. i'm happy to report that those bad days are few and far between. i have a great husband who is constantly reminding me about my many blessings and the great life that i have. it's all true. all of it. remembering that can be really hard sometimes. ugh. and then i feel guilty because i really do have so much to smile about.
but isn't it ok to have a bad day? i really think it is. i need it to appreciate the good. i don't like having bad days, but i love the feeling of a good one right after. i let myself have a bad day. or half a day at least. i try to whittle my way out of it so that i can be a good happy mom for the rest of the day. please tell me this is normal. i'm letting myself think it is. those are the days that i just want a large diet coke and some hot fries. it only makes me feel better for a minute but i'll take it.
so, bring it on wednesday. i'm ready and waiting with a toddler in the wings lookin' for a fun time (and a happy mommy).
h a p p y h u m p d a y