ahh... life has been both good and hard the last month and a half. good because i have so much to be thankful for and truly am so blessed. i'm spoiled with blessings. i couldn't count them if i tried. hard because, well, gosh darn it, after a miscarriage my emotions and hormones get the better of me. some days i feel like i'm totally whole again and i feel like i could take on anything that came my way.
other days, i hardly have the motivation to get out of bed. those days are hard. but thank goodness for that little toddler of mine. without her, i don't think i'd get out of bed. she gives me a reason to get up, fix breakfast (or dinner as she calls it), and go on with my day. but believe me, she'd fix herself breakfast if she could. i'm beyond grateful that she can't.
on those hard days, i've started setting goals for myself. because let's face it, i'm competitive, even against myself. i try to accomplish more or be more happy than i was on my last hard day. this is not easy. especially when i've set the goal to bake something once a week, and thursday comes, and i just want to sit around and watch movies or lost (i love lost) all day. i'll tell myself i'm not doing it, that i don't care about a stupid goal. that baking can just shove it. but... i cave. and thank goodness. it makes me feel better. even though i am not a baker. i want to be. it's just hard. much harder than cooking. that's why i stick to my few basic go-to recipes and try not to stray from them too often. but accomplishing those small goals help me survive my day.
i often think that in years to come, i'll look back on this time of my life and laugh, maybe. hopefully i'll be able to see that i was being blessed and that the plan for me was being laid out just as it should be. gosh i sure hope so. i hope in ten years i don't look back on this time and still cry about it. i really hope not.
i'm really trying to kick those bad days really hard in the behind. i don't like having bad days. i like when i can wake up happy and positive. positive that a baby will be on it's way to our family shortly. i also like when i can wake up and just be ok with how things are right now. because i'm blessed. so blessed. the saying, "when it rains, it pours", could definitely take on a positive spin when talking about all the blessings i have. i have blessings being poured down on me. bucket loads. and for that, i couldn't be happier.
and that toddler of mine definitely makes it a little easier.
the pictures above were taken by james last night while we watched the lightening show all over the sky. we wanted it to rain. brooklyn even did a little rain dance but to no avail. it was cute nonetheless.
this last picture is of brooklyn hugging her most favorite neighbor boy before he had to go in and go to bed. isn't that sweet? can't wait for them to see it when they're sixteen. mostly brooklyn though, she is the one in a diaper after all. so modest isn't she?