Monday, September 13, 2010

my stomach

today one of my sweet little kindergarteners curiously asked me,

"teacher, have you ever had a baby in your stomach?"

not wanting to make the conversation complicated, i said,

"nope not yet, how come?"

"because you NEED to have a baby in your stomach,"

she said boldly!

tears sprang to my eyes. i do need to have a baby in my stomach. i want to have a baby in my stomach.

i've had three babies in my stomach, but none in my arms.

i want to be a mom.

i want to be on the other side of the door racing my 'tad bit late' kindergarten child into class and kissing them on the cheek before i let go of their hand.

i want that.

i can't wait for that. to be a mom.

i know it'll happen.

sometimes i forget to put my trust in the Lord and know that he will take care of me. i forget that so easily when i hear a baby cry. my heart hurts. it literally hurts.

but then i'm ok again.

i remember that it is out of my hands. i can only hope and pray.

and have faith that one day i will be a mom.

because i need a baby in my stomach.


Jeremy and Chelsea said...

you are really going to be the best mom EVER! I know you'll be one of my greatest examples, and trust me, I'll have lots of questions :)

Katie + Zach said...

This made me cry. We will keep you in our prayers. You WILL be a great mom.

Barbaloot said...

I'm so sorry for all the pain and hurt you've had going through this Melinda! It can be hard remembering to trust in the Lord when you try SO hard for what you want and can't seem to get it.

nataley said...

You are going to be SUCH a good mommy someday! We love you!